Have you ever felt lost? And lonely? Have you ever felt like
the whole world is against you? Like nobody wants you happy? Like nobody
understands you? Well, you are very lucky if your answer is no to most of these
queries. Because I firmly believe that EVERYONE goes through these thoughts,in lesser
or higher degrees! I feel so so many times and yet I am not a lunatic and I am not a misfit. I can adjust to any
given situation and take it in my stride IF I want to . It’s all under my
control. Can anyone get me out of my misery if I don’t want to help myself? No
way! I am my best friend, I am my worst enemy! My life is how I choose it to be!
I can blame the world, circumstances, and all and sundry, just
because it is convenient for me to convince myself if I put the blame on the
external .But ,in the end, my life is just what I have made of it. I have none
to blame for it!
Life is a gift and all the things I take for granted are no
less than luxuries for so many in this world. Yet I am pompous enough , vain
enough to complain and think I deserve better.
Long years of existence in this world and I have seen so
much and yet I keep blundering and thinking I deserve better! Better than
whom? Better than what? I don’t have the answers. Yet I choose to be naive ,yet I choose to be stupid, yet I choose to hope
for something better!!!
Yes, I know you got to keep improving, and learning doesn’t end till the day you die. So clichéd all of that!!!
Nobody knows who derives motivation from what, but we keep saying the mundane
because it’s the said thing!
Why? I have only one answer. Because we are human! Personally,
because I am an average human being ,living my life like most people do ,not
making a vast difference in stalling the climate change maybe, but living an
honest life nonetheless, being true to myself and people around me, loving and relishing the little things
in life and trying to be happy despite all the things I can be sad about. I am not special, I am not hugely
talented,I work hard even though I may not be the best in anything as per
statistics. I live a life which I so many times find worthless,yet I strive to be
the best I can be. I want adulation from people around me, I want to think
people around me like me for what I am, I want to know I am making a difference
in a miniscule way , I want to be appreciated, I want love ,I want to have
someone in my life who will love me just the way I am-flawed and wounded , happy
and sad, judged and ignored, happy and sad, right and wrong! I want to feel
worthy! Nope, I am not special. I am just a regular woman wishing for regular
things! You cannot take me to task for feeling thus:)
Everything in this world is temporary and the only truth in
life is that nothing lasts forever and no one knows if tomorrow will come. But
we plan for our future, we have post retirement plans, we ALWAYS have future
plans!!Why? Because we are human and it’s
just this one life we have. So we try to make the most of it, live it up and
not think that today could well be the last day of our lives!
Before I say what I am going to say next, believe me you, I am not
crazy, I am just another ordinary human being! The day I am very happy with
someone or about something, the day I feel very loved and wanted, the day I am
in sync with everything around me, the
day I feel content...I want that day to be the last day of my life. I don’t want
to die unhappy!!!
Again, the day I am sad and desolate, the day I feel too
lonely and convince myself that the world is cruel and unfair, I want that day
to be the last day of my life. I don’t want to live unhappy!!!
I don’t know how many of you find time to think these random things, but if you do, I think you will not find me so weird:)))
My thoughts are so damn random, so unconstructive..that the
more ambitious may label me a lazy loser. But I know I am not one. I HAVE touched
some lives in a small or big way, I have been extremely sincere in my profession, I have tried my best
to be a good mother, I have let go of things when I have had to, I have been fair to people around me
mostly! I don’t consider myself a loser. I am not religious, but I am not a non believer( I believe in goodness, I believe
in love,I believe good people exist). I have people around me who love me
despite my frequent ramblings of this kind. Naah, I am not a loser!Just that how one measures success in life is relative, like everything else!
I make mistakes. Yes,I
do. That’s the whole essence of the average me! But I try to make amends and
not repeat my mistakes. So I’m good! So,I’m as special as you or anyone else!!
I ramble when I’m sad, I ramble when I’m happy. Either ways
I’m happy when I can think aloud. If someone near me has the patience to hear
me out, good for me!!! If not, I now have a so called blog of my own where I
can write my heart out. And I know I will find some kindred souls out there who
will read this and understand what I am trying to say! It ALWAYS helps to know
you are not alone. You don’t know my story and I don’t know yours,so I will believe your life is as good or bad as
mine!!! Now, don’t tell me you don’t have a story!!!!!
