On a short trip to the hills recently, sitting in an inconspicuous little restaurant,as my boys waited for their Maggie to arrive , I chanced upon this-
'The ways'
To every man there openeth ,
A way , and ways, and a way!
And the high soul climbs the high way,
And the low soul gropes the low;
And in between, in the misty flats,
The rest drift to and fro.
But to every man there openeth
A high way, and a low
And every man decideth
The way his soul shall go"
-John Oxenham
As I drift to and fro,on the misty flats,today the mind is on an overdrive. I think I love and nurture these demons in my head as much as I hate them.They won't leave me, and I have kind of made peace with this fact.
With help from these good friends in my mind, I understand the futility of the arrangement of this life, yet mostly, I'm spending time caught up in all the trivial segments.I end up caring,caring too much and then gloat over that being my kind of thing.And then I reprimand myself because I would like to be this woman who doesn't give a damn-about anything! The good,the bad or the ugly!!I want the graph in my head to remain at a straight line.I guess I have extreme expectations of myself and hence get nowhere!
For some reason,I find myself trying to find something beneath the flesh,bones and mind. I don't quite get anywhere,but I keep searching. So much flesh and bone and mind everywhere ,where are the souls?Where's mine? Isn't that supposed to be part of the deal too ?When the rules are set and decided for morality,societal norms,manners-everything;how do you gauge the soul value? Or is it inconsequential really ? Why can't I find that soul?
Everything seems to fill up fast-houses, hospitals, graveyards, junkyards, city dumps. But nothing else fills. The real gaps remain there-unfilled and unfulfilled!
Sometimes someone will come along and restore the spright in your stride, help you love and laugh again, and make you ignore your friends in the head for a while. Then again you realise, the gaps are there and gaping wide. Your friends haven't left and will not leave.
However, considering that I am passing this way just once,this toilsome world, I might as well take it in my stride-sprighty or not! Let me show some kindness and care to someone when I can,let me do a good deed or two to a suffering fellow being ,let me be honest, let me play fair, let me do a thing or two without hurting my conscience as I pass this way!
The demons may know better and tell me otherwise mostly,but there are days I win too!
In this age of distraction maybe it's not a bad idea to sit with my friends in the head every now and then. They keep me in touch with the hard truths even as I struggle and want to keep that spright for ever!
