I am sitting in a mall, away from my city, watching all
kinds of people pass me by. Busy people, people whiling their time(like me),fat
people, thin people, people in love, kids happy for no particular reason…..!
The united colors of humanity!!!The works!
Killing time waiting to meet a friend , I feel I see
my own life in flashback as I sit here. I thought one needs to be out in the open,
in the hills and mountains, closer to nature ,to put things in perspective, to think and dwell upon one’s innermost thoughts.
But here I am, in a place as populated
as can be, and well, I am thinking clearly. No clouds in the head.
I am thinking, I have been ALL these people in various times
of my life. I have been better than them,I have been worse than them,I have
been JUST like them. How are these people passing me by,strangers then?
A few moments ago,I was feeling happy I’m anonymous here ….nobody knows me. But,don’t
they really? We are just not talking and greeting each other I guess but what
is it that we don't know about each other. Do those things matter really?
Even as I have blundered ,loved,hated, cried and laughed
through this existence,right now,at this very moment…I just feel calm,like I am
in a really peaceful space.The lull before the storm-lol!
I hope not!
I have made right and wrong choices in my life,which again,
I consider wrong OR right only when I think in retrospective. I have done some
good and some bad.I have felt disgusted with myself so many times. And I have
given me the pat in my back for being a good woman too,many times.
That makes me a balanced person I guess.
No way!!!
I am as crazy as they come. I am not sure how I will react
to the next nagging telemarketer's call, I am not sure if I’ll be able to
resist that surge of love for my next poor patient and not feel bad about my own privileges, I am
not sure if I will not lose my cool yet again trying to get my message across to
my old nursing orderly at work, I am not sure I will not AGAIN emotionally
blackmail my boy to listen to me, I am not at all sure about any of this and so
many more things😊
How bad is it not to be overtly ambitious about the future
and just live and love in the present? How good is it? Is it too ordinary not
to try and find any meaning in life ? What if I say “ My intentions are pure,
my conscience is clear, I have no desire of being a shitty person” End of
goal…ta-da!!!!
I attended the funeral of a dear old man the other day.He
lived to be 85 years old. He was the literal “jolly old fellow” and I can only remember him with a smile on
my face. I didn’t know much of his personal life, his life’s struggles; he
didn’t make or break anything in my life. But as I type this and think of him,I
am smiling and remembering the glow of
warmth and love that radiated from him whenever I met him.
I would say, if I could leave one person feeling that way
about me when I am dead and gone,I’m good!
Time to go ..my buddy’s here. Also ,all these people around
me can see right through me( and now YOU don’t tell me you don’t know me either…I
surely know YOU!!!) –time to hibernate.
Just thinking aloud!!!!!
Just thinking aloud!!!!!
Ciao!
