The Den!

I am constantly looking for love , goodness and innocent simplicity around me. I need to do it to find meaning in this rushed and crazy existence, to believe in the innate goodness of mankind. I want to look in my immediate neighbourhood and find things that make me happy…that very moment!!!

The responsibilities I have in life towards my child and family aside , I don’t dwell much upon my future and likes. I just want to live in the moment. Que sera sera. Who knows if tomorrow comes?

Recently,on a dusty dirty morning I went for my Sunday run with a pal. The run didn’t do me much good which is a bummer .I run with my heart 90% times and the least I expect my running to do to me is pep me up !!

Anyways,I can’t have things my way all the time .All days are not same.

Later, I was out meeting a friend and as we were driving across a street in the neighbourhood, we saw this bunch of kids climbing a tree by the roadside in this scorching heat . We stopped to chit chat with them . There were 10-12 of them,the oldest one being 10 years old. As we chatted up we found out they were making a den (adda) for themselves there.

Not just that, there were two little master chefs amongst them too. I can’t really describe the minimum ware those two kids were getting their veggies and pooris ready in.They were planning to enjoy their meal  sitting in their den.My eyes nearly popped out at their expertise.

The quantity of food being prepared seemed less considering the number of kids hanging around . On being asked, one of the older ones told me whoever contributed for the food being prepared would only get to eat. Simple!! No Gandhian philosophies involved!!!!

Thereafter, they proceeded to show us who had contributed in what manner.Cooking oil,flour,salt,mango(yeah,they were making some chutney kind of thing to eat with the pooris).

The food was being cooked in a stove made of two cement tiles and the cooking gas was paper and twigs and pieces of wood picked from the roadside! Those kids had already learnt well about Darwin’s theory.

Maybe you can appreciate better from the pictures what I am trying to describe.

We marveled watching them for quite a while before going and fetching them some laddoos as  dessert after their meal.

Those kids!Just amazing!I hope the world lets them sustain their innocence and enthusiasm for a long long time!!

Yes,let it go!

I am sitting in a mall, away from my city, watching all kinds of people pass me by. Busy people, people whiling their time(like me),fat people, thin people, people in love, kids happy for no particular reason…..! The united colors of humanity!!!The works!

Killing time waiting to meet a friend , I feel I see my own life in flashback as I sit here. I thought one needs to be out in the open, in the hills and mountains, closer to nature ,to put things in perspective, to  think and dwell upon one’s innermost thoughts. But here I am, in a place as populated  as can be, and well, I am thinking clearly. No clouds in the head.

I am thinking, I have been ALL these people in various times of my life. I have been better than them,I have been worse than them,I have been JUST like them. How are these people passing me by,strangers then?

A few moments ago,I was feeling happy I’m  anonymous here ….nobody knows me. But,don’t they really? We are just not talking and greeting each other I guess but what is it that we don't know about each other. Do those things matter really?

Even as I have blundered ,loved,hated, cried and laughed through this existence,right now,at this very moment…I just feel calm,like I am in a really peaceful space.The lull before the storm-lol! 

I hope not!

I have made right and wrong choices in my life,which again, I consider wrong OR right only when I think in retrospective. I have done some good and some bad.I have felt disgusted with myself so many times. And I have given me the pat in my back for being a good woman too,many times.

That makes me a balanced person I guess.

No way!!!

I am as crazy as they come. I am not sure how I will react to the next nagging telemarketer's call, I am not sure if I’ll be able to resist that surge of love for my next poor patient  and not feel bad about my own privileges, I am not sure if I will not lose my cool yet again trying to get my message across to my old nursing orderly at work, I am not sure I will not AGAIN emotionally blackmail my boy to listen to me, I am not at all sure about any of this and so many more things😊

How bad is it not to be overtly ambitious about the future and just live and love in the present? How good is it? Is it too ordinary not to try and find any meaning in life ? What if I say “ My intentions are pure, my conscience is clear, I have no desire of being a shitty person” End of goal…ta-da!!!!

I attended the funeral of a dear old man the other day.He lived to be 85 years old. He was the literal “jolly old fellow”  and I can only remember him with a smile on my face. I didn’t know much of his personal life, his life’s struggles; he didn’t make or break anything in my life. But as I type this and think of him,I am smiling  and remembering the glow of warmth and love that radiated from him whenever I  met him.

I would say, if I could leave one person feeling that way about me when I am dead and gone,I’m good!

Time to go ..my buddy’s here. Also ,all these people around me can see right through me( and now YOU don’t tell me you don’t know me either…I surely know YOU!!!) –time to hibernate.

Just thinking aloud!!!!!

Ciao!