I lost a
friend and colleague last evening.
He and his family fought his Glioblastoma
Multiforme(one of the fastest growing,most malignant brain tumors) the best
they could in the last six months till his body could fight no more,the doctors
could help no more,the prayers could help no more..because his time had come
and no one could change that.
He leaves
behind his wife and two young teenaged children.
As long as he lived , he used
to do everything possible to make them happy and be involved in every little
thing in their lives. A totally hands on dad and husband he was. Six months back
it would be difficult to fathom how that family could ever manage without
Rohit.
But since the time he was detected with the dreaded terminal disease ,I have seen
his wife handle everything with so much courage and dignity and
levelheadedness. Standing there at his funeral today, as he went up in flames,I
just couldn’t help respecting the lady for the way she conducted herself
through the tragedy . At all times, she was totally THERE for her children. Its true what they say about a person's true strength and character only showing in the face of adversities.
She
will grieve and cry a lot -she will need to.There were many of us friends and
family today to take Rohit on his final journey and to support his wife and
kids. But of course,grief is finally a walk alone. We can be there and
listen.But ,she and her kids will walk alone down their own path of grief,at
their own pace, with their raw wounds,their feelings of denial,anger and bitter
loss. Hopefully,they will soon come to their own peace.But it’s a given they
will have to do it on their own ,in their own time. May they find the strength to do so and to be each other’s strength.
Its
fascinating how the wisest of us think we could help someone deal with a loss
like this. But I guess,we are only human. We want to help,we want to be able to be
of some service and help ease the pain and suffering we see in our fellow human
beings.
Looking at
her dead husband she said to me-I couldn’t even spend 20 years with him. That’s
life-20 years too many for some, twenty years too little for others. Try how
hard we may,we can’t be completely prepared for our tomorrows. Yet,like the
Buddha says ,“The trouble is, you think
you have time”. It really is pertinent that we live each day as if its our last.
Going to
Rohit’s funeral ,watching his 15 year old son going through the rituals as
advised,was heart breaking ,to say the least.
But now as I sit and type this,I
marvel at the strength of the boy to go through the entire rigmarole so calm
and composed. He sat clenching his fists so hard as he sat next to his father
at home-in denial,in anger.I couldn't imagine what went through his young mind-but
it took me all my will not to go hug him and ask him to let go whatever he was
holding back. But once at the cremation,he looked totally in control. Its all
about resilience and the human spirit. The human spirit ,like someone said, is
stronger than anything that can happen to it. Otherwise ,we would all die of
heartbreak I suppose.
I knew Rohit
for close to 12 years,we were working in the same hospital for 9 years or so.
He moved to the colony I stay in,some years back and we were car pool partners
too till I got transferred to another hospital. As is obvious,the 25km drive up
and down 6 days a week made us share a lot of our experiences and life stories.He
was a good man and a good friend.He was a sincere and dedicated surgeon. He was
always so proud of his wife and children. He was 48 years young.
He must have had plans for himself and
his family’s future like we all do.Of course he never anticipated this terrible
turn of events.Yet, as he lay dead,he was the one who looked completely at
peace-no more suffering ,no more worries,no more stress. So many of us grieving
around him but he was oblivious to it all and gone. He had reached his final destination.
Though they
can never overcome the loss ,his family will reminisce the beautiful memories
of the years spent with him , time will heal and life will go on. I hope Rohit
left without many regrets. No one can ever do ALL the things they want to do in
their lifetime,but keeping the conscience clear and to know in the end that you
did the best you could helps,I am sure!
As Rohit
left,I brought their little pup Joy to stay over at our place because there
will be too much happening at Rohit’s. His wife wanted me to babysit on him
till some normalcy can be restored in their household.I find myself telling the
4 month old pup to buck up because he has a lot of responsibility on his
shoulders,to cheer up the aggrieved family,to shower more unadulterated love on
them,to be their super anxiolytic drug! I know he will be able to help them
destress more than anyone else.
The search for our coping mechanisms and our dependence on them will never be over. That’s life! Death ,on the other hand, is simpler!
Peace!
“I am the one that’s got to die when it’s
time for me to die. So let me live my life, the way I want to”-Jim Hendrix
 |
| Rohit: 17th April 1970-28th July 2018 |
