I'm worthy!

I tire of thinking! 

I lack that sense of self-worth every now and then.

This forced hiatus from running (thanks to my injury) has robbed me of my only sure shot way of redemption from my thoughts.I tried cycling the other day.But even that won’t work for me for a while.The physical pain has got the better of me for now!

I realise its good to have a plan B and I don’t have one. I am only a trifle worried I may lose what little fitness I had gained by running regularly but I am very worried I will lose my sanity (whatever I have  left of it) sooner this way! Since I don’t have a fall back option,the 24 hours in the day are seeming too long now.

I find myself dwelling upon my past and thinking about the days to come. I don’t like to go there-that abyss of my thoughts. Its not a very pleasant place to be in. Its the one place I  really don’t like to stay for long! And the more I try to distract myself from my injury and the fact that I have to REST for maybe a month or more and not run ,the more I go drowning in that abyss. Aaargh!

Apparently,everything we do in life has a selfish reason. Everything we do in life is to finally (consciously or sub consciously)  please our own selves. 

I am already too harsh on myself.Thinking that I do everything for selfish reasons does no good to my self esteem. I am such a teeny weeny speck in this huge mass of humanity,I really wonder what it is that I can do to make my journey on this planet worthwhile.I ought to find a way to do something worthwhile or at least start believing in my own worthiness somehow!

I have wonderful people in my life.I have been showered love and respect by people around me.I feel very lucky and blessed about that.But in my heart of hearts,I end up feeling undeserving of that love and respect even!

I feel time is passing by too soon.There is no knowing how long I breathe on.But I have been here long enough to have done something worthwhile by now. I don’t want to live hoping to tick off things from a fancy bucket list. By now, I ought to have had some sense of self worth and achievement under my belt.That satisfaction eludes me still and I don’t know how to change that .

My mind tells me to get out there and do something to feel better. I have had things easy in life,I have had things tough too.Life has been pretty much fair to me though I did get some raw deals in the way.But its okay-somehow or the other I have been rowing the boat  strong and sailing along quite well.

Why then this sense of worthlessness?I just want to get inside my head and change the settings .

Ctrl-Alt-Delete!!
Refresh!

Get a life woman! This is no chain of thought to follow on a  cold and dreary Saturday!

Taking sonny boy out to watch the 007 flick shortly.The pot pourri in the head can go take a hike for now!Amazing how scribbling these clumsy never ending thoughts has changed my mood for the better.Life goes on!

And it seems there's a way out as well;)))